transitions.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

i am so damn tired. i just finish my assignment, even with richard helping me to do, he cant figure it out this javascript program that paul lou made for us. paul lou is sucha an ass, and his requirement for the assignment is always so fussy. stupid comments with extra long long specific details. what an ass. anyhow today was halim's birthday. we pooled money and bought him a watch. the others pooled and bought a jacket from him. so he received a jacket, a watch and a pair of sunglasses from his girlfriend. and he is gettting a car tomorrow, what a lucky ass.

anyway, we went to knock his room just now around 12.10 with 3 powerful super soaker pressure water gun. haha when he opened the door, we shoot him till he hide in the door and we keep on shooting and shooting. there were whip cream too! haha and the whole house was wet. hahaha! simply fun. you can see like water everywhere, floor and walls. yeah it was just crazy, and it was kinda crowded too. no doubt. ate cake, chitchatted and went back.

i forgot to tell you guys that i was doing my damn computer science work before i came over to the party, so i went back to richard house and continue doing that stupid project of mine. all i can say, it is a waste of time. in the end, it was kinda buggy, we dint have a debugger, so we dont know what went wrong. it was just hard. yeah i also sprained my leg while running to my friend's house. think i was kinda stupid just to fall down in the middle of the road. there was this BIG OBVIOUS dent, andi still fell because i lost my balance. how about that. sleepy sleepy sleepy. its like 5.19 am now. i have been sleeping so late lately, which is a bad habit.

i saw hilary duff on lizzie mcguire too. why must she KISS someone again! i am so damn addicted to duff to the extent i think i will just die if i dont watch it for one day. i can't take my eyes off her. seriously. if only i was a star, then i could meet her!

today's psychology class was about love and friendship. it is quite a confusing subject, because the term love have many explaination and definiton. so people were practically arguing it about it. what a mess. haha guess what i was doing, stoning and thinking about duff. think i will go crazy or something, according to tyo, i HAVE gone crazy. but i cant help it. what to do? oh well. if only dreams would come true. hahaha. i was like telling tyo, at this rate, i am not gonna get a girlfriend for the rest of my life. but tyo insisted that i will meet someone during fall. hahaha! that was pretty funny.

i am so damn sleepy, i just hope the results for my economics would be good enough. yeah, gtg. nights people.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

i think i have gone crazy or something after that car accident on the freeway. i am so addicted to hilary duff . i am like listening to her songs, watching her shows, buying her posters and on. haha i just can't take my eyes off you. guys, don't get the wrong idea. i don't even feel lustful ( is that how you say? ). err yeah, haha i don't like fantasize myself having sex with her or something like that. i really like her. hahaha i have been staying up late just to watch lizzie mcguire. i know i am crazy, but i can't help it.

talked to ewen yesterday night untill the firealarm went off, think someone's house got burnt up or something. the alarm rang for an hour fro 4am to 5am. i was so darn pissed off because i couldn't sleep. haha. anyhow i met up with my math and history teacher, seems like there is hope. i must get 83 and above for my history, and i must do well for my math too. or else i will really screw myself up, which is quite bad. so i better stop playing this days.

nothing really much to blog about, my life is kinda back to normal since i have gone crazy over duff. i know that sounds stupid, but its just like that. haha.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

there is always a first time for everyone in life.

yeah don;t think its a kiss or sex. it's an accident. yeah a car accident that i was involved. we were going to the semester dinner that indodvc organized in oakland. we took my friend's car to oakland, so we were actually tailing our friends car cause we don't know the way there. there were all together 3 car, we were the one in the middle. so its like suddenly the one in front turned to the right exit. tomo, got a shocked and made a sharp turn too, from crossing 2 lane towards the right, he went in the exit and turned left again, but he couldn't make it and bang the railing. anyhow, you might think that since im alive, it must have not been a serious accident.

yeah right, you can kiss my ass. i was sitting at the front passenger seat, so i had the best view of everything. when we made that turn, we were cruising at 80mph, so if you wonder how fast is that, its 120 kilometre per hour. even faster than the highway in singapore. i could see it so clearly, how we turned and how we crash the railing. the windows immediatly shut down to prevent from my head from knocking it. the SRS airbag opened immdiately from the top side, and the bottom side. and you know what, without those airbag, i think i would have been in the hospital now or perhaps dead. you might think that is funny, but not many people live to tell a story like this. anyhow the damage was pretty bad, the fixing would cost a bomb. besides he doesnt' have a insurance for the car nor a driver license. so yeah. anyhow it was just fucking scary. i have to say, god really blessed us.

i could still remember how the accident happened, how the airbag blew off when the car crashed the railings, the smell of the airbag. yeahh so i guess you better install airbag inside your car before you get yourself killed. i am pretty impressed with mercedez-benz safety. the windows can even drop down itselves at a split second to prevent my head from knocking against it. can you imagine what would happen to my head if i knock against the window glass. yeah.

come to think of it, we are pretty lucky. i don't really think that anyone could have survived that accident. for that split second when the car was about to crashed the railing at 80mph, my mind stopped for a second and start to think if i would survive the crash. by the way, the exit was on a cliff, the car could have flew off the cliff, which means we would be dead by than. yeah, i know it stil doesn't sound scary to you. but one day if you tried this kinda things, you would understand how i have felt at that time. hmm besides you guys take sbs bus and mrt trains, haha how would you even have a chance of getting crash. thats unless the bus crash, but even the bus crashed, you won't die either. the bus is too big to be even get smashed up like a car. ahh fuck.

anyhow i went to the diinner, yeah. afterwards we went off for supper. i have to admit that indonesians are really talented. multi-talented i say.

im tired already, shall catch a nap. i will continue the story next time. thank god for saving my life.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

feel just a bit better. shall try. can't do homework? ask someone do for you then. simple as that. i am not cursed. shall continue watching hilary duff.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

i feel so FUCKED.

how fucked can life be. i never felt so pressurized, not even in singapore. i sucked at math, yeah i know. this time no one can save my ass for my math. im pretty sure cause i left out a few question. the questions were not that hard, but if only i had practice them time to time. i wouldn't be in such state. time to grow up darwin, no one to blame but yourself. you know, my ex-roommate, hes dropping one subjcet, and according to him, he will get a fullscore of gpa 4/4 which means straight As. thats so unfair, he doesnt even study yet he do better than me. its either hes teacher is easier or he copied. but yeah, still. i feel so fucked up. this is so fucking unfair. its never fair.

why is my life ruined now, im confused about dropping courses. i don't know if i should drop anything. the day for dropping is comming, its either i drop or i pull through and get a B. or else its a C and below. folks, its 90% for A. sounds riducle? its like back to primary school days where an A* is 91. and a A is 75 abv. fucking nonesense. even the B here is higher than the A here, though the grading differences are big, so are the teachers. math is math, its right or wrong. think i get like 50 to 60 plus for my exams. which means that its like a D and F. i feel so fucked fucked fucked.

i just wished that i was a american citizen, i would feel a lot better that way. at least things are cheaper for me, especially school fees. if i were to drop, i would like throwing $600 for nothing. worse still, i have to retake the sub. and i took a stupid course for nothing this few months, affecting my other subjects.

wished i had some liquor, so i can drink to my sorrows. but i can't drink liquors, so yeah im stuck. fuck my life. when things are going right, then it went wrong.

"Fly"

Any moment, everything can change,

Feel the wind on your shoulder,

For a minute, all the world can wait,

Let go of your yesterday.

Can you hear it calling?

Can you feel it in your soul?

Can you trust this longing?

And take control,

Fly

Open up the part of you that wants to hide away

You can shine,

Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,

And start to try, cause it's your time,

Time to fly.

All your worries,

leave them somewhere else,

Find a dream you can follow,

Reach for something,

when there's nothing left,

And the world's feeling hollow.

Can you hear it calling?

Can you feel it in your soul?

Can you trust this longing?

And take control,

Fly

this is just a small part of the lyrics, " fly ". this song is great, or am i just obsessed with hilary duff. think shes uber cool and pretty. i like her golden hair, and she looks adorable in cadet kelly. funny too. haha. so much better than lindsay lohan. lindsay lohan has fake big boobs, her boobs are so weird. like implanted or something. how i wish i can have hilary duff as my girlfriend, but its not possible. shes a movie star while im so shitbag in pleasant hill. how miserable! where are all the nice blondes in america.

was wondering which ipod mini to buy, or should i buy online. im so confused about it, wondering and dragging my decision longer. my school sells the mini for a cheaper price compared to the market, but alittle expensive than buying online. yeapps, so im still wondering what to do about it. i wanted to get the ipod mini 4gb, but the school is selling it for the same price as the 2nd generation, so im wondering if i should get it or not. the first generation have a lousier battery life, and yeah as the word " first generation " , you can know that its an older version of ipod mini. so yeahh, or should i get creative zen micro? ahh. so confusing.

tomorrow is my exam for my math. don't know why im not panicking, isit because i am assured a grade or what. but that shouldn't be the case, because i don't understand math. i only read through them, and i have like so much problems that i don't understand. so im gonna sleep now and wake up early in the morning to study for my math. i hope it goes well.

i know my gpa is kinda screwed up, but yeah, gotta try to work this out. i believe god will help those who help themselves. haha! i am like some converted christians/catholics ? bleah. nope i am not. i just believe that god will help people. i am not making any reference to any god, not yours, not hers, not his, nor them. but mine. yeahhh, maybe our definition is different. hmmm. alright i shall sleep. nights.

Monday, April 18, 2005

how smart can i be. i mixed up the schedule. i thought the math exam was on thursday, and it turns out that its on tuesday. i was just informed by my friend just now, i got it mixed up. i feel so screwed, thought i would have enough time to study at my pace, now i gotta rush like hell. fuck fuck fuck, im so fucking stupid. which means that this week schedule is more or less same as last week, 2 exam and 1 quiz. how depressing. gotta work extra harder i guess.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

today was not really a good day. was playing basketball yesterday, so i dint get a chance to go school to buy my mp3 player. wanted to get the mini in school since it was selling cheaper, but in the end, they asked me go tomorrow ( which was today ). so early in the morning, i went to school hoping that they would sell the mini. but, the bookshop was closed. i was so pissed and angry. anyhow, went to oakland with mum today. when i arrived there, i had sucha bad tummyache, i had to let the fucking shit out. went to the nearest hotel (marriot ) and was stuck there for like half an hour. afterwards, it was ok. oakland was pretty weird. though it was a weekend, the place was like so empty. went to this china shop and ate our lunch there, it was alright. walked around the chinatown there and bought a few things, and we also went into this furniture store. we bought a bed after some bargaining there. its gonna be here tomorrow. the weird thing is that the bed was pretty brandless, in the sense, its not like very commercialized. i can't even find any information online at all. it was a queen size, think it was one of the topline series there, got it for $350. and you know what, my friend got theirs for $450 which was a fullsize. ( a full size is narrower compared to a queen by 6 inch more ) but at least their bed are brands that are known by the public. so my mum actually felt that the bed we bought was expensive.

went home anyway, took the bus that had a fucking stupid detour for an hour. i was simply pissed off by the fact that i wasted like an hour on the fucking bus. what a waste of time, you can imagine how i had felt. the bus number to take is 110. i took 110K. the K line went around other neighbourhood and BACK to the trainstation where we boarded. that means that we took the fucking bus for nothing, i was pissed, vexed and naturally feeling fucked up as usual. reached home, watched some cartoon shows, went out again.

this time i went to walmart to see if they actually carry the zen micros with them, but yeah, they don;t have it. how about that. but its alright i guess. went to eat dennis, and they told me that even those rich kids have high gpas. can you imagine how upset i was. i used to think that rich kids aren't suppose to be smart in this kinda things, but yet they get good grades and on. i feel so inferior, now i have one lesser excuse to lie and console myself. the fact that everyone is doing well, does not give me a reason not to do well. whatever at it is , by hook or by crook, im gonna get my grades back. im just simply pissed off by the fact that they can do so well, i just feel inferior. this is the only thing im feeling now. its not like singapore where everyone fail their subjects, get low grades. even people like halim whom i never see him study get A for math. i wonder if he is smart or he took the easy teacher. but im just simply depressed over about it.

when people are richer than you, smarter than you. whats there to compare.
can't help to think that today is a bad day. had many little tiff with mum too. life is simply screwed up nowadays.

dear god, give me the will and power to study hard to get good grades.

=(

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

what a tiring day. i am like so exhausted. i studied for my bloody history exam from yesterday 10pm to today morning 7.30am. doing 19 essays, how about that. slept for 3 hours and woke up to study again, afterwards i went to school to find my history teacher jim rawls to ask him some questions regarding history. asked till 1.50 and i went to the bookshop to get the essay book for this history exam. alright so i did the exam, outta like 8 essays he gave we need to choose 4 of them. the last one was fucking hard. i don't understand a single thing about peculiar instituition and what labor union thingy. its so confusing, i dont understand much anyway. yeahhh, anyhow the preparation for history exam should be considered partially sucessful. because outta 4 essays, i can write 3! BUT. 1 essay is 25 marks, quite a lot hur. its sad to say, i stil think i will screw it up.

this week is really full of up and down. but somehow, somethings really cheered me up. today laura called me and told me that i got fullmark for my business test, thanks to the past paper that tyo did for me. lucky for me. comscience test got 45/50, but i got a fucking 0/10 for my assignment that i handed up. actually my teacher graded me 8.5/10, but he gave me 0 for this assignment because i taught rico how to do the assignment, somehow the format was the same and he claimed that we copied. so he striked out my 8.5 and place a 0 over it. i feel so pissed off, bceause i spent quite long doing that thing, how can he give me a 0 for it. anyhow me and rico went to argue about it, he say he will review the paper and give us the result tomorrow. i don;t believe that i will be so unlucky, i deserve that mark so he better give it to us. yeahh so im quite pissed with him. on tuesday, i also took back my math result. i got quite a shock too, i got nearly a full mark. i feel extremly weird, i shouldn't be able to do that paper, but somehow i got nearly a fullmark. i think god or someone is watching over me. thank you very much to YOU and ME whom work hard for it! haha.

yeahh, i have a math exam next week, quite worried too. you know me, my math wasn't that good afterall besides i like to screw things up. my pschology quiz i got an A too, thats really great. my first A for psychology. oh ya, thanks nathan for letting me copy your quiz answers, though you won;t be reading this. because i was too busy preparing for my history, i dint have time to prepare for my psychology quiz. yeahh. this week is really been up and down. its not even 1 week, its only 3 days, so much things happened. yeahhh. i hope things gets better. thank you whomever bless me. i never felt so consoled before. tomorrow, i need to copy 8 assignments for computerscience again, then should be getting back the results for the reviewing of assignment ( cheating assignment ). i hope everything goes well. im pretty tired, and i hope to watch gundam seed soon. my greatest and best way of relieving stress.

i hope god look after everyone of us.

though im not a christian/catholic. haha!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

the only thing i can say, is that im really sad. how come i end up screwing up my studies. how come halim claims that he is getting an A for his math while im not. how come? how come? i don't get it. and my computerscience teacher is screwing things up for me, i might even end up dropping the class. i feel so fucked up. never felt this way in life, perhaps the nearest experience with this is during sec 3, worrying that i will get retained. i think thats the only time i felt this way. worried, depressed. but O's turned out well though. but how come everyone's gpa is so good. i just learned that jessica have 3.95/4 for gpa, how about that. i feel so sad and depressed when im compared to them. inferior is the word to describe how i feel.

i feel absolutely FUCKED UP. thats the only word to use to describe how i feel.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

im so tired. everyday i have been sleeping late. life sucked even though mum is here. confusion is all i have. so much for the american dream. 1 year ago, all i know was to study for O's. i never thought of coming here. i gotta admit coming here was a very sudden decision. i wasn't even prepared, i took only 1 month to prepare to come here. just 1 month, you might think it's very short. i can tell you, it is very very short. i still could remember those days, trying to finish preparing. going to embassies, going out to buy accessories, bags and on. that 1 month was really short. i remember how germaine, ewen, joyce and zihui waved me goodbye at the airport. it was just like yesterday, and now im already breathing american air, drinking american water and stepping on american soil.

im so tired. i just received a zero for my assignment, thanks to those people who copied and did not fucking bother to edit. fucking morons. zihui asked me why are they so many fucks, because this world is half fucked up with the other half trying to make it better. so it balance. i just did my assignment, i asked richard to help me with it. at last after 4 hours of work, i got the fucking work done. they better not copy this, or else im gonna get a failing grade for this nonesense. im so not gonna do that. getting screwed for some reasons like this. i don;t believe my life is that cursed. the lab assignment have to reach 60 by next thursday. im only at 35, i better speed up or else i am gonna get screwed too. but it wasn't that entirely bad today. considering the fact that i got a C for my math, at least i din't fail it. i was suppose to fail. i guess god must have heard my prayers. ( though i din't really pray , i just talked to the ceiling before i sleep ). i think god must be on the ceiling or something, so when you are screwed, please talk to the ceiling before you sleep. i always tell him, make my day better and better, but i know its not entirely possible, cause outta 365 days, there would surely be 1 day that is screwed up. unless you have those joyful mentality that tells you everyday is a good day. im so sorry, i don't. so you can jolly well fuck off when i have a bad day. i will fuck you right in your ass ( maybe not, anal sex is so yuck ).

so now i pray that my results gets better, and my life gets better, everything gets better. i shall talk to the ceiling soon. i have a video, and psycho quiz tmr. a math and comsc ( FUCK COMSCIENCE ) quiz on thursday. by the way, paul lou is fucked up moron, i hope he get bangs in LA for being an idiots by the niggas. i think he and holly kresch are one of a kind, though holly is better. at least shes not that idiotic as that stupid paul lou. though they both caught me for this and that, i wished i was the king. so i could kill them. or perhaps slap them right in their face. but i know all that is not possible, so i guess i'll just have to tolerate all those nonesense.

part of life is about tolerating.
the other part is fucking the person you tolerate.

don't worry. im the first part (:

i know all this entries are pretty explicit, but you can go and see the unexplicit version at the other blog. if you don't know, then too bad, haha read the explicit. i think our society should speak more vulgarities, zihui and phil is begining to be say vulgarities. keep up the good work girls, welcome to the world of vulgarities. i think i have been sprouting too much nonesense and rubbish.

im really tired. seriously, i do hope this week gets better, and next week even better. i know its long and draggy. so i shall stop here period

Saturday, April 02, 2005

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2128672962

this are the pictures we took at the theme park. haha the thumbs up sign was a picture taken to irritate this guy called ranu. haha he post that picture for a display picture. LOL can you imagine that. thats so weird. anyhow we just take that picture to make fun of him. the rollercoaster ride in great america, was a crazyshit that i went through. im glad that i din't like die there or something because i was certain that if i had took a few more ride, my life would have been shortened by a few more years. those ride were crazy. im not really gonna explain them in details, just a brief one.

i took the TOPGUN, which is a normal rollercoaster, but they hang you from the top. which means theres nothing below you. something like an inverted rollercoaster, that was damn freaky.

took the delirum, some crazy spinning shit and swing you nearly 220 degrees right to left. came down with a bloody headache! we ate and took another normal rollercoaster. this ride was pretty long.

took a few water ride, got splashed. haha!

took the pirate ship, this pirate ship was fucking crazy. it goes like 360 degrees. have you seen that? i was like hanging in the air for like 2 seconds and it swing downwards again. that view was CRAZY. anyhow, i need to sleep now. goodnight guys.